Hi guys!

 

Sometimes when I’m feeling down I start to look up jokes to make me smile, or to just throw at unsuspecting friends.  I LOVE a good, cheesy, dad joke!

So, I’ve compiled 50 of ’em to get your day going or to come back to when you’re in need of a good eye roll!

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1. “A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says, ‘Sorry we don’t serve food here.'”

2. “How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!”

3. “I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.”

4. “Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.”

5. Why did the scarecrow win an award?  Because he was outstanding in his field!

6. What do you call a fake noodle?  An impasta

7. I’ll call you later.  Don’t call me later, call me dad.

8. Why did the coffee file a police report?  It got mugged

9. I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro.  It’s a total ripoff.

10. What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?  Bison

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11. I used to hate facial hair.  But then it grew on me.

12. Why don’t skeletons go trick-or-treating?  Because they have no body to go with

13. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?  A nervous wreck

14. I hate jokes about German sausage.  They’re the wurst!

15. “Me: ‘Dad, make me a sandwich!’ Dad: ‘Poof, You’re a sandwich!’”

16. What did one snowman say to the other one?  “Do you smell carrots?”

17. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”

18. Did you hear about the man who stole a calendar? He got 12 months.

19. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!” The doctor replied, “I know you can’t I’ve cut off your arms!”

20. Without geometry life is pointless.

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21. Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road? To go with the traffic jam.

22. I knew i shouldn’t have ate that seafood. Because now i’m feeling a little… Eel

>23. “Hold on, I have something in my shoe”  “I’m pretty sure it’s a foot”

24. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.

25. “I asked my dad for his best dad joke and he said, ‘You.’”

26. Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, “No, just leave it in the carton!”

27. The rotation of earth really makes my day.

28. Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.

29. People don’t like having to bend over to get their drinks. We really need to raise the bar.

30. How does a penguin build it’s house? Igloos it together.

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31. Hear about the new restaurant on the moon?  The food was great but there was no atmosphere

32. How do you organize a space party?  You planet.

33. How did the octopus beat the shark in a fight?  He was armed

34. Two guys walk into a bar.  The third guy ducks.

35 Why did the pony need a glass of water?  He was a little horse.

36. Did you hear about the new broom?  It’s sweeping the nation

37 People are making too many apocolyspe jokes!  It’s like there’s no tomorrow

38. What did the banana do when it lost the case? It a-peeled the verdict.

39. We’ve heard Prague is cool, you may want to Czech it out.

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40. Where do you learn to make ice cream?  Sundae school.

41. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?  Frostbite.

42. Why was the mushroom always invited to parties?  He was a fungi

43. When does a dad joke become a dad joke?  When it becomes apparent.

44. “Waitress: ‘And here’s the check. Is there anything else I can get you?’ Dad: ‘Someone to pay the check?'”

45. “Dad: ‘Be careful standing near those trees.’ Daughter: ‘Why? The sky is clear, there’s no chance of lightning.’ Dad: ‘I don’t know really, they just look kind of shady to me.'”

46. “What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.”

47. “I have a fear of speed bumps. Im slowly getting over it.”

48. Why do bananas need sunscreen? Because they peel.

49. I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.

50. When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo, I had to put my foot down.

 

Bonus:

Want to hear my pizza joke? Never mind, it’s too cheesy.

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#sorrynotsorry

Hope you laughed as much as I did putting this together!

 

If you’re interested in joining one of my challenges to smile some more, check out these links:

 

 

Do you have any good dad jokes?  Let me know in the comments! 

 

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